Pre-Holiday Post

So many papers, so little time. Here is a quick post before the holiday season kicks off. As always, all sentences are from student work with no editing by yours truly. My comments are in ( ).

- Mr. Proctor does not like that Mr. Parris preaches bloody damnation which leads him to plow on Sunday which is a sin.

- Sometimes patience is hard to control.

- A crucible is a severe test or a trail.

- Elizabeth Proctor questions John for cheating on her, which testes his patience.

- In order to ski one must have a slop to go down. (I love whooshing down that slop.)

- After one ahs their boots... (I have no idea.)

- Now that I a senior... (You don't write like one.)

- Being a senior is just like a self a steam booster. (Getting this paper back probably took care of that boost.)

- The day to day expectance of women was challenged and became successful.

- In many part of the world...

- The goalie must have a mouth peace. (I hate a goalie without a peaceful mouth.)

- This means doing things such as splits should seem simple over time. (Why would anyone do a split over time?)

- Poe is one of the most badass anti-transcendentalist writers of his age. (No argument here.)

- This is the most truthful truth that many would not admit to being true.

- (Said about Poe.) Life isn't always losing pretty girls.

- Without history there would be no present. (Truer words...)

- For the moist part... ( I wish the rest of this sentence had lived up to its opening.)

- ...the World Trait Centers were bombed.

- Sexism was first created in the mid 1960s. (Wow, it took longer than I thought.)

- Knowledge is what a person makes wants to make it.

- Scientific knowledge needs reasoning and proven.

I have one more. Now, this was on the rough draft of a senior paper. I conference with each student about his or her rough draft. The student who wrote the following sentence was a senior girl. Uncomfortable...

- This means that instead of penetrating the ball the team should pull out and waste time.

Mayday! Mayday!

Fall Fun

Sorry this has taken so long. I have 45 juniors and 45 seniors this year, and the seniors are in a college writing class. So, lots of fun! These are from different sources, from junior Regents review essays and essays on The Crucible and The Scarlet Letter, to senior Personal Narratives and Compare/Contrast essays. As always, all samples taken directly from student work with no significant teacher editing; my comments in ( ).

- Beauty has been around since as far back as the early Greek philosophers. (But no further.)
- I defiantly will work out tomorrow. (I dare you to oppose my work out plan!)
- Computers and their technology keep rising.
- When a person here's the crack of the bat...
- Abby causes the most blame.
- John Proctor had an adultery with Abby.
- He also ended up die from Abby.
- Elizabeth was ferious. (That would be furious.)
- After John continued to fight Abby was just all "Oh you don't mean that" and "I love you" type of attitude.
- Abby envies Elizabeth for being the goody to John Proctor.
- Abby pushes him to replenish the relationship.
- John Proctor upholds a very strong presence in the play.
- Hester was outcasted.
- Dimmesdale should have acted more religious instead of having sex with Hester.
- Now we are able to talk to people face to face, using a computer.
- Her seven children dye at birth. (I wonder what color?)
- ...so they will not die from a painful death.
- I need to work more on the writing having the words flow together better. (You're not kidding.)
- Writing can help reading by you should proof read everything to see if it makes sense or not.
- While my dad packed the can... (She meant "car." I hope.)
- My dad sounded like a broken recorder.
- ...in the comer of my eye...
- They got heaving into alcohol and marijuana.
- We knew they couldn't fallow that.
- Al of a sudden...
- A dynamic character is one who changes their actions or ways of going about events.
- ...who else see saw with the devil. (I have always loved see-sawing with the devil.)

That is it for now. But I will be collecting more than a lot of papers this year, so I hope to have more frequent posts. Hope no one is heaving into alcohol!

Jeremiah

Survey Says!

The following are all taken from my end of the year surveys. I have included the questions to which the students were responding. Some of these I included because I think they are funny. Some I included because I think they are telling. I did not include any of them merely for the sake of stroking my own ego. Ok, maybe that's not entirely true; but even the ones that may seem a little egocentric on my part are still pointed, I think. In any event it's my blog, so I get to write what I want. As always my comments in ( ).

What was your least favorite work we read this year and why?

- My least favorite work was The Crucible because it wasn’t really the type of book that wanted me to read more.
- Chuckleberry Finn because some parts seemed like the author was writing just to make the book longer.

What did you like the most about English this year?
- The talks about the works we read that went off on tangents. (The talks went off on tangents, not the books.)
- The righteous tutelage and many interesting arguments between you and the jar-headed students.
- I liked that we did not watch movies because in every other class we do and they are boring.
- That we had a pretty good teacher that was funny and always honest even if it was mean. (“Pretty good?”)
- Honestly, talking about things that were important but not relevant to class. (Oh, it’s all relevant, baby.)
- (This is from a student in the advanced class.) I like that we are trusted that we will read and do the homework and aren’t badgered about useless busywork.
- (Also an advanced student.) I liked being in a class where number grades didn’t matter as much and where the other students cared about school, at least some.
- I liked how it wasn’t about grades but actually learning.

What did you like the least about English?

- Reading.
- The annoying people we all know of.
- Carrying that fat red book. (The English 11 textbook.)
- Too much talking in class. (She meant she doesn’t like to discuss things.)
- [Name removed] walking in every morning late and interrupting our class.

What are one or two important things you have learned this year in English?
- I need to read more of the assignments, and not fall asleep in class.
- You can almost never win an argument with Mr. Chaffee. (No, it's never; not almost, just never.)
- I’ve learned to think about things a little more & in different ways. (I am always so depressed that few students seem to be challenged to think on a regular basis.)
- If you ever need anything done around here, just say “Chaffee.” (I am not entirely sure this is true.)
- Make sure your drink has a re-sealable lid.
- There is actually some good short stories in the world.
- I’ve learned to think for myself, mostly.
- I should never call a teacher a freak. (Took you this long to learn that?)

On a scale of 1 -10 (1 being “easy”) how hard was this class?
- 1 if you do your work, 10 if you don’t, like me.

Do you have any suggestions about how to make English class better?
- Don’t let girls talk.
- Have a Super Awesome Techno Dance Remix Party next year.
- Have smaller classes so more time can be spent 1 on 1.
- Those who read the book/homework should be the ones to contribute in the class discussion.
- No, because you’re not going to change anything so it doesn’t matter.

True, I don't plan to change much.

Jeremiah

Say What?

All of these sentences are from those "last English paper assignment of the year," when they just don't care anymore. On the plus side, it's comedy gold. The papers are on topics from poetry to Hamlet to novels. As always, my comments are in ( ).

- ...the two girls fall at the feet of the name who has a nice name.
- ...punksuation... (Is that like a comma with a mohawk?)
- What is being imaged in the Poem is talking about a cat.
- She stairs at the wall.
- The Emotion he is showing is complaining.
- e. e. cummings is a modernist poet do to the way he rights.
- The blizard of snow symbolizes coldness. (Deep symbolism there.)
- The last two lines (of the poem "Richard Cory") change the poem from an okay feeling to a deep, dark, undelightful feeling. ("Undelightful" should definitely be a word.)
- In the poem "The river Merchant's wife: A Letter" they use alot of differt things to show what her feels where when her has been left her. (?)
- He shoot him self to so he wouldn't have to go throw the pain.
- In the first stanza of the poem the emotion happy is portrayed. It is about two children, with their innocence playing together.
- Modernist poetry is when a poet writes outside the box.
- This idea is shown throughout the poem in different the literary techniques.
- The loss of a loved one can effect people in two ways. One way is physically / emotionally. The other way is mentally. (What about spiritually / psychologically?)
- What are Modernist? (Good question.)
- Then one day at the end of the poem...
- Although they are not the same there are differences.
- She grew love for him. (Don't over water it.)
- Loss means the condition of being removed by a loved one. (Isn't this the plot of The Godfather?)
- He is rarely never home.
- The setting was Jem and Scout always getting in trouble. (Interesting interpretation of the term "setting.")
- During the Victorian ear...
- The reader can tell that Hamlet has an intense feeling of sexuality built up inside him.
- "Hamlet" by Shakespeare has always been renounced as one of the best plays of all time.
- People love to delve into the meaning behind literary pieces of work. (Yeah, lots of people love that!)
- Gene has lacked the knowledge of knowing what Finny is about.
- Gene is afraid to confess his actions to the boys at Devon and to Finny because he is afraid. (So he is afraid because he is afraid?)
- Ignorance can always cause ignorance to occur.
- John Knowles uses cauterization to show Gene as out-going.

Well, I'm going to try to get some reading done while both my kids are asleep! Next post will be comments from the End of the Year Surveys.

Jeremiah

A Little Now...

...and more later. Our daughter was born on June 23rd, so I have been busy. But I have a stack of quotes gleaned from end of the year papers and tests that I shall parcel out in several posts. Here is the first. These are from various places, though many are about A Separate Peace or The Great Gatsby. As always my comments are in ( ). Enjoy...

- A dream can only be lived if it exists. (?)
- Finny is seen as being higher up, and above everyone else, not only physically but with his mental thinking. (As opposed to what other kind of thinking?)
- Myrtle took things out of control.
- Daisy is characterized as having a mouth full of money. (There is a line in The Great Gatsby in which Gatsby says Daisy's voice is full of money. But I like this image, too.)
- Tom acts stupidicly.
- Even though Daisy is a fine wife for him, Tom has to please himself with poor people.
- Ephscott Fitzgerald (This would be the author of The Great Gatsby.)
- To get Finny to not be good at life Gene pushes Finny out of a tree.
- Gatsby lost a great amount of money because he never obtained it.
- In the begging of the store the was are car weark. (Let me just say, I have some 11th grade students whose grammar and spelling are this bad and worse, but I don't post many of their sentences because it's just too easy...and sad.)
- The poem's use of imagery makes this poem very dimensional.
- Gene learns stuff about himself.

The following are from Regents Exam essays. The Regents being the 11th grade state English test.

- There is always something that allows you to be able to recall a memory with vividity.
- One of the most important things in are persons life is there memories.
- When you are younger most of your memories are at home. (That's where I keep all my memories.)
- He thought his plan was flawless, until the irony kicked in. (I hate it when the irony kicks in.)
- ...the descrimination the man received...
- ...the person who is most lonleyiest...
- They soon got eloped.
- This moment in the novel really defys Huck as a character.
- People are clueless of what they don't know. (The Don Rumsfeld theory of knowledge.)
- Juror number eight does not want to convict the suspect to death.

That is it for tonight. I have much more, including comments from my end of the year surveys, which is actually the first thing I posted way back on Share Nicely.

Jeremiah

Suppression?

The following are from various assignments. Just by the by, I have an old batch that I plan to post later, so stay tuned, all 3 of you who read this. As always, these sentences are from student work and my comments are in ( ).

- He doesn't want a girlfriend because they are not what he wants. (That should settle the question.)

- Ryan daydreams of actually finding his English book so he can read these lovely modern stories that age like fine wine. (Ryan is the name of the student and he wrote this on his quiz.)

- Humans are interesting because of their sentience. (Is it me, or does this say that humans are interesting because they are capable of being interested?)

- He experienced post-traumatic stress disorder at war and losing all meaning in what did this to him caused him to also lose meaning in love and life. (?)

- ...a small world pool. (She meant whirlpool.)

- The man insisted in the army. (I didn't think they liked it when you insist in the army.)

- While life starts out beautiful and fresh, the road to death is steady, undeniable and inevitable. (Voted "Most Cheerful" by his class.)

- The cause of the major disillusioned was his wife death.

- He got his medals because he is from the america.

- There was a woman selling rosted chestnuts, warm in your pocket, meaning that its nice to have someone selling something and even after a while you can still feel it in your pocket, remembering the nuts.

- This group of people was the first group of people to work on the people.

- In late Victorian England the upper class is suppressed. (If only.)

Hope you are enjoying Memorial Day. More soon...

Jeremiah

Honesty

In my English 11E class (the E is for 'enriched;' it's an advanced class), I give one question quizzes. The questions are designed to be interpretive rather than simply factual. A recent quiz on the story "The Jilting of Granny Weatherall" asked simply, What is the significance of Granny's last name? Below is one student's response. As an explanatory, I take off points if the kids write in any ink color other than blue or back.

She has lived through everything. I would be more specific, but I never read the story, so I can't. I am just guessing because it is in the title. So, I will probably get marked down because I was not specific enough. But, I still answered the question, at a basic level. Also, I used regular black ink, so I shouldn't get marked off for that, which is good. Random fact, this is the longest I have ever taken to write on one of these quizzes, and most of the writing is pointless. Anyway, her name is fitting because she is a survivor of something, I think.

I gave him a 50 for the entertainment value.

Jeremiah

Gatsby and More

The following are from two, well, let's call them sources. The first half or so are from the rest of the papers on The Great Gatsby that I hadn't graded before the last post. The rest are from my senior class's papers on various short stories. As always, these are sentences taken verbatim from student work, and my comments are in the ( ).

The Great Gatsby: written by an author one student called F. Scoot Fitzgerald.

- The novel shows the life that a wealthy person lives and how they deal with cretin circumstances. (Leave it to the rich to deal with the cretin circumstances.)

- Gatsby has a mysterious past that is later reviled.

- Gatsby dropped out of St. Olaf's Collage. (That would be "college." St. Olaf is near Minneapolis / St. Paul.)

- Gatsby got rich by distributing illegal alcohol in stolen securities. (The real secret was how he got all that liquor into the securities.)

- The American Dream is not worth fighting for what one wants in a dream.

- Myrtle also throws parts, and has fancy cloths.

- The result is how the American dream is corrupt and the dream is left with an empty goal.

- This book has a lot of meaning to it. (How much is "a lot" of meaning?)

- Behind closed doors the American dream was unreachable. (So open the doors.)

- T.J. Eckleburg is not just a bill bored.

Senior Short Story Essays:

- She loses the ability to distinguish between reality and imaginary.

- Bambara teaches her characters a lesson. (I hate those unruly characters who don't learn their lessons.)

- Mrs. Mallard has just been told that her husband is died.

- She grew up on a farm that raised foxes. (The farmer just raised corn. He left the real work to the farm itself.)

- The story revalues completely around her.

- Characters are used to tell the full story in a piece of literature. (Without characters you only get half the story.)

- Her attitude towards herself and other people show her contradicting personality as a well-off girl.

- The design makes a desperate women.

- In the end, she is found to do what she sees that wallpaper.

- Without characters the story is simply a description of the setting.

- This draws curiosity to the reader. (Here, kitty, kitty.)

As a little aside here at the end I must say, one thing that annoys greatly is when students feel the need to state the obvious. They will say something like, "Without the characters there would be no story." As if there was any great danger that a story would be written without the characters. As if the author was in danger of forgetting to populate his plot. Until next time:

Jeremiah

Mostly Gatsby

I am half way through a large stack of grading, mostly dealing with The Great Gatsby. Here are some gems, and I can almost guarantee a fresh batch by the end of the week. I think the first one is the only one not pulled from a Gatsby assignment. As always, these are taken directly from student work. My comments are in ( ).

- Gretchen does not hold the perspective that is probable for her.

- (From the Department of Redundancy Department) ...that character will not be able to fully fulfill the intended purpose of the author.

- Gatsby getting killed was for the best. (Somehow I think he would disagree.)

- She is having drinks with her friends and her new dog. (I hope the dog doesn't drink too much. I hate drunk dogs.)

- People don't get what they always get. (Not even in context did this make sense.)

- (As to why the student read less than half of the novel:) Too long of chapters to read in one night, and trying to work, and find something to eat after work, and then read a 20 page chapter at 9:30 at night.

- I did like the novel because it was like a sope opera. (What is sope, anyway?)

- The book had a lot of deeper stuff in it you had to realize yourself.

- The people getting killed was cool.

- He said his parent lived in the city and that they were dead.

- Gatsby likes to have parties where everyone is invited and no invitation is needed.

- Tom is married to Daisy but he also has Myrtle in the background.

- Gatsby's dream is to be with Daisy aging. (I think "again" was the intended word.)

- When Myrtle is with Tom she almost crosses the line between her in the face. (?)

- Gatsby's fantasy life represents the American dream in a way because happiness occurs, rich, and the lady. (Kinda peters out there at the end, no?)

- Gatsby and Myrtle tried to illusion there own dream.

- Gatsby's money is earned by boat legging.

- The American dream is an achievement not worth achieving for.

- He soled alcohol.

- In Tom's case he has sex with poor people.

Well, that is it for now. I've got tons more to grade this week, so stay tuned.

Jeremiah

Insane Standards

I know I said I was going to keep the gripes to a minimum and instead post those student errors that make my job of grading so interesting. On the other hand, writing can be cathartic, and if you don’t want to read this post I will certainly not be hurt. (I have serious doubts as to how many people are reading this at all!) So here is your warning: This post is going to be a (potentially lengthy) discussion of an “educational issue” which is on my mind. I am collecting some papers in the next few weeks, so we will get back to the fun soon.

Yesterday I sat through a conference day in which we worked on curriculum. There are any number of things I could talk about in regards to these activities. But here is the one I would like to focus upon: prescribed educational standards. I happen to live in New York, so if you are curious about the New York State educational standards I am talking about, you can attempt to read them online. I say “attempt” not because they are hard to find, but because I, a high school English teacher, can’t force my way through the standards in English, never mind other subjects or other grade levels. I offer my criticism in the following points.

Point One: The standards for English in grades 9 - 11 are ridiculously unattainable. One of my colleagues, whose integrity I respect and who has decades of experience, commented that to complete only the standards in writing we would have to double the length of time students spend in high school. (Some of the standards actually cover the writing of literature - as in, we are supposed to have our students writing poetry and short stories, novels and plays. And these standards are written as if for a college creative writing program, not a high school English class.) This is a classic example of trying to do too much and doing it badly, rather than doing less and doing it well.

Point Two: To be blunt, these standards are not assessed on state Regents exams. Considering their length, there is no way they could be. More and more, teachers and schools are judged solely on the basis of standardized test scores. (That is a subject unto itself.) Since we as teachers are judged based not on the standards but on a test that covers very few of those standards, we already have one reason for ignoring the standards, or at least developing a cynical attitude about them.

Point Three: If you take the time to read the standards, an activity I don’t recommend, you will not come away from that document with a passion for literature or writing. You will be bored to death. English teachers went into the profession because we love literature, not because we love curriculum documents. And the reason is simple: Literature is alive, and these standards are dead. F. Scott Fitzgerald is dead, but The Great Gatsby is very much alive. I am not sure that the writers of the standards love literature or writing; sometimes I am not sure they are actually alive. Literature speaks to the human condition and the human experience; state standards are joyless and passionless dictums speaking, as far as I can tell, to no one in particular. Literature is alive like a flower; state standards are a dead machine, like a lawnmower.

Point Four: As I am sure you can tell, I don’t believe in these standards. I don’t believe they are useful, and I don’t believe they are in the best interests of our students or our teachers. Yet I am asked not only to write a curriculum that falls in line with these standards, but to then put that curriculum into action. G. K. Chesterton said, “The educationist must find a creed and teach it. Even if it be not a theological creed, it must still be as fastidious and as firm as theology.” Every teacher with any integrity develops his own educational creed. Now another creed, in the form of the standards, is being forced upon me. I am asked, nay told, to teach what I do not believe to produce results I do not see as at all desirable. And I am being asked to do all this by people I know and who work with me simply because people none of us know or work with created a document in an office in the state capital.

I shall end with this: No one who asks me to write the curriculum for our district asks me what my own creeds are, asks me what I think or believe. No one asks the English department, for example, what we think it is necessary for our students to know. We don’t discuss any of these issues. I would be perfectly willing to discuss any of these things, and more, at length, with anyone who would listen and respond. Of course, I am not sure if such activities are covered by our state standards.

Well, here we go.  I think I have enough for a decent posting of student gaffes and hilarity.  The following were all taken from papers by my 11th and 12th grade students.  The assignments are various, including assignments on Macbeth, essays on American Realist short stories, and reports on aspects of the Roaring '20s.  A few I have put in not because of any errors, but because the thoughts expressed or the manner of expression struck me as humorous.  These are, of course, unedited, as editing them would ruin the fun. My comments appear in (  ).

- The only way Macbeth sees himself taking the thrown is if Duncan is killed.

- Shakespeare's characterization is top notch.  (I am sure he would appreciate the kudos.)

- Peyton's imagination has created a scene where Peyton can mentally run away even though physically he can not because he is dead.

- The man gave up on trying to build a fire and burry himself in the dog.

- "A Pair of Silk Stokings"  (The title of the story is "A Pair of Silk Stockings," and it's by Kate Chopin.)

- Mrs. Sommers would be presented as difficult.

- A man instincts are good, but a dog's instincts are lot more better.

- ... went to dinner.  Then went to dinner, then went to dinner.  (I didn't realize when I read the story that the character went to dinner three times.)

- (In this quote the parenthetical statement at the end is the student's.)  How people deal with stress is a prime example of how people differ psychologically; some people meditate, some people drink, and some people shoot up an office building (arguably the last one would cause far greater problems).

- My favorite part is the first act because it is the beginning.

- When she herd the prediction...

- The Macbeths never act in a loving manor.  (Their house just wasn't conducive.)

- I might go see a production of Macbeth because the entire play is a war and there are no romantic scenes like in Romeo and Juliet.

- The 1920's were a very historical time.

- The percent of people dying 15 miles away from home bottomed out.  (He meant "driving;" it was a report about automobiles in the 1920s.)

- In 1925 the ear of the baggy pants dawned.

- During the 1920s, football was not as possible as the sport of boxing.

Let me conclude with an all time favorite of mine which happened this fall.  For the record, he meant "Tests."  This was the title of a student's paper on The Crucible: "The Testes of John Proctor."

More when I get a good list.  Until then...

Jer

An Intro

A while ago I started a kind of blog on a website my brother-in-law cooked up called Share Nicely.  He has since become busy with other things and the site no longer exists.  Most of what I posted there was related to my job as a high school English teacher.  In fact, most of what I posted was sentences and phrases pulled from student work which was funny or interesting, (but mostly funny).  That is what I hope to post here as I have time and when I have enough samples to make a good posting. 

So, to any of my Share Nicely "fans," which would be mostly my family, welcome.  To anyone else who should accidently stumble across this, I hope you enjoy.