Doctors All

I blame Oprah and her gurus Dr. Phil (what is he a doctor of?) and Dr. Oz.  Or maybe it's WebMD.  Or maybe it's the relentless advertising by pharmaceutical companies.  Or maybe it's the fear inspired health reports on the evening news.  Whoever is to blame, it seems that America is full of amateur doctors.  We are all a bunch of self-diagnosticians; oh, and we love to diagnose our friends and neighbors, too.  The only thing worse than a few million hypochondriacs is a few million hypochondriacs with web phones who type in their symptoms and who think they are doctors.

This faux-medicine shows up in my classroom in a way that may seem harmless, but which I think is subtly insidious.  It is not as dramatic as my intro, but I think it represents something negative about the way we see medicine in this country.  We love to diagnose the characters in the literature we read.  The narrator of Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper" has postpartum depression; Roderick in Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher" is manic-depressive; Krebs from Hemingway's "Soldier's Home" has PTSD.  And I will admit I am as guilty as anyone of diagnosing and labeling.

My problem is not that these amateur diagnoses are "wrong," or unsupported by the text.  The problem is that these labels provide an illusion of knowledge which allows us to dismiss these characters.  And that is what happens.  Once we can label the problem the modern mind (student) believes that all these characters need is a pill and they would have been fine.  If we have a label that sounds quasi-familiar, because we have heard the term before somewhere, we can be comfortable feeling superior to the characters and dismiss them.

But we are not doctors or psychiatrists who really understand what postpartum depression is, or what a soldier who suffers PTSD is going through.  The label is an illusion; it is, in the words of G.K. Chesterton, "the worst illusion; it is the illusion of familiarity."  Once we have the label, we don't have to look closely at the character, we don't have to immerse ourselves in the world the author has created for us. We don't have to empathize.  Gilman and Poe and Hemingway and all great authors create fascinating characters who come alive on the page, and we prescribe them pills and close the book.  We are familiar with PTSD because we saw that feature on the news, we have no need of this story by some dead author (who happened to have witnessed a few wars up close.)

If you have read "The Yellow Wallpaper" you may see what I think is the final irony of my idea.  The narrator's husband is a doctor, and he thinks he knows what is best for her.  He confines her in the room with the yellow wallpaper, forbids her to write, tells her not to let her imagination get the best of her, treats her like a child; and in the end she goes crazy.  He knew what was best for her and he didn't listen to her complaints or suggestions, and she ended up crawling around a room like an animal believing she has escaped from the yellow wallpaper she had been trapped behind.  A hundred years later we come along and shake our heads; if only they had known about postpartum depression and given her a Valium and some antidepressants.  We don't listen to her either.

Over Due, Teach?

Yes, it has been a while. A quick note about the interwebs: the other day I was clicking around some sites, mostly education blogs that linked to other education blogs or articles, and I read a really interesting post. Something a student said to me today reminded me of what I had read. Do you think I can find that post again? I can't even find which blog it was on. If it had been a book I'd have had it in a snap. Perhaps I am just a digital doofus. Anyway, to the sentences. As always, these are from actual student papers and my comments are in ( ).

- Now his actions were controlled by preventing what could get the throne taking off his head.

- Macbeth ruled the nation as a viscous tyrant.

- Most literature defines the woman as domicile.

- ...everything is not what it seams.

- Lady Macbeth's subconscience... (subconscience: Jimminy Cricket's understudy)

- ...the consequences take their tole on Lady Macbeth.

- Lady Macbeth was a strong courage women.

- Lady Macbeth wanders the castle at night talking about the evil deeds her and Macbeth committed while in her sleep. (There she goes, committing deeds in her sleep again.)

- Macbeth seems torn between reality and imagery. (I often am.)

- ... his greedy conscience... (This just made no sense to me.)

- Lady Macbeth emulated guilt.

- Lady Macbeth goes crazy and ends up killing herself from the madness.

- I want to educate on Hurricane Katrina.

- After talking to their prophecies with the witches...

- He did not give awful memories.

- ... it's because them people are way against Hydrofracking. (Yup, they is; darn tootin'.)

- The male body prospective has grown. (Is that a good thing or a bad thing?)

- Many crimes were being committed such as rape, arson, and anarchy.

- After an individual plows into a breathalyzer... (after he has plowed through a few brews and your yard?)

- ... to see if they have an alcoholic abuse problem.

Back to the googles for me.

J

Build Up

It has been a while, and I have an overflow of new sentences. Let us skip the preliminaries and go straight to the fun. As always my thoughts in ( ).

- Whether a person is conscious or subconscious of these fears...

- In 1976, capital punishment made a comeback. (To paraphrase LL Cool J, don't call it a comeback, capital punishment has been here for years!)

- According to the pop's edict... (he meant "Pope's.")

- Those who were put in trial experienced unpleasant trialing.

- Viet Nam (You know, the country.)

- The four different classifications of oil are split into classes. (Classes are classed? Is that redundant?)

- The Scholastic Amplitude Test, or the SAT... (Actually, that makes just as much sense.)

- Surplice is loose white clergy.

- carpe diem = cease the day

- Is the law going on to say that being gay is the same as being incest? (Uh...)

- Now at age 24 (Lindsey) Lohan is all over the news for her out burst with drugs.

- Once his first wife died his drinking progressed and along with dating several other women. (Dating several women might drive me to drink too.)

- Poe uses irony so Montresor can draw Fortunado to the catacombs.

- The concept of death is a tender topic with people.

- The meaning of death can have many different thoughts and feelings depending on the individual.

- When sex happens sometimes the gratitude of the situation is not fully understood. (I know I am full of gratitude when... But I think she meant gravity.)

- The beginning of Norma Jean's life began with let downs. (How did the beginning of her life end?)

- Huck learns that slaves are can feel like people like him.

- Feelings are emotions towards something. (And are emotions feelings OF something?)

- The book is set between the 1930's and the 1940's, before the Civil War and during the time of slavery. (The history department will hear about this.)

- Hell causes a terrible afterlife.

- Violence has a thresh hold on Macbeth.

- The blood on (the Macbeth's) hands begins to represent the guilty consciences hidden on their insides.

- Many centuries have created images for men and women.

- Blood brings guilt to those who have done evil deeds that are wrong. (All my evil deeds are so right.)

- Macbeth was all bummed. (Dude. Too bad.)

- (Lady Macbeth) could only express her guilt while in an unconscious state of mind. (Which is the state of mind this student was in while writing this.)

- Macduff shows how that he will fight for his believes.

- In the play Macbeth there are multiple themes. (Thanks for the heads up. I was just looking for the one.)

- ... or violating the human rights given to a person at birth by John Locke a long time ago.

- Not all people are eligible for euthanasia. (Only if your health plan covers it.)

- Pianists play alone and heave to cover all of the parts.

- Random during testing isn't very common in public schools. (Maybe because nobody knows what it is.)

- Juliet and the pope come up with a plan.

- Seize the girl while it's there. (Yeah, he pretty much sees girls as "its.")

- Time shall not be waisted. (Some of mine was in reading that sentence.)

New semester starts on Monday. Can't wait. Well, I could wait a little.

J

A Few Regents Sentences

Long story short, we gave the regents exam last week here in New York. So here are a few fun sentences from the essays.

- Its hard to overcome suffering and overcoming it also.

- ... during the slavery and racism times.

- ... the novel The Crucible, by Mark Twain.

- You can overcome anything in life, good or bad.

- The characterization of Jim would be nice, thoughtful, and black.

- During the depression racism was very high.

- Jim was a black African American. (I can't decide if this is redundant, or just very carefully super specific.)

- ... along the bay of the Mississippi River.

- The conflict of man vs. man is aroused.

- Romeo had to run away and play dead.

- Tom Robinson was charged with adultery. (He is the character in To Kill a Mockingbird charged with rape.)

- ... the great dapretion... (Depression)

- George ended up having to kill Lennie in the end to make things better for both him and Lennie. (I think Lennie might have something to say about that.)

Tons of papers to grade, so new post should come soon.

J

Help!

Before I get to the sentences, two pet peeves to mention. 1. I don't put a lot of sentence fragments in these posts because they aren't "funny," but they are annoying and prevalent. Fragmented sentences reveal fragmented thought. 2. My students overuse the verb "help," often using it to vaguely replace a clearer verb they can't be bothered to think up. What does it mean to "help the environment?" Yet the sentence will have no other verb to indicate what we are to help the environment do. Anyway, to the sentences; as always, these are from student work and my comments are in ( ).

- The court system has to find a way to deter future crimes committed by youth. (Shouldn't we deter the youth and not the crime?)

- Marilyn Monroe's modeling career was at an all time high.

- Talking could become a peace of mind feeling for both parties involved.

- ... then while wearing a pair of rubber gloves, the needle is placed in an autoclave. (Never mind what an autoclave is, he has a needle that can wear gloves!)

- ... cars that run on energy... (As opposed to my car, which runs on positive thinking.)

- When one exercises it enhances many assists of health.

- When an individual is active it helps them having a good mental and emotional aspect on life. (How is your aspect on life?)

- One specific group in society would be students of all ages. (Yes, very specific.)

- If you think your going to do poorly you might actually will.

- Americans are on the decline in the world's industry.

- The kidney and liver are important organs, in the human body, for the need of survival in life.

- People did crime even before artists singed about it. (This sentence is a crime.)

- When a person demonstrates weight control... (Ta Da! Weight control!)

- The number of people that can vote in the United States has grown incredulously over the past hundred years.

- (This I saw on a sign in the hall advertising a competition between classes.) Win the covenant class disco ball! (Is it the same disco ball that God gave unto Moses signifying that his were the chosen people?)

- As the saying goes, "laughing releases endorphins, endorphins make you happy." (I love that old saying; mom used to say that all the time.)

Happy Holidays!!

J

Oh, the Woes

I am in the middle of reading two large stacks of rough drafts. Two things that continue to haunt my existence as I read: 1) redundancy; 2) meaningless statements / statements of the obvious. You can imagine the fun when the two are combined. It happens most often in introductions; by far the most B.S. shows up in the first paragraph. They seem to have no clear idea how to get into an essay and just write whatever mindless drivel they can to make up a brief paragraph. Then they repeat it all in the conclusion, because they have no idea how to get out of an essay either. And my efforts at teaching them achieve only moderate success. Anyway, as always, these are real sentences from student work, and my comments are in ( ).

- The hero status these infamous stars are receiving is a disgust today's society.

- If anyone of a different religion was located at the spot in question then problems would be less of a fuss being made. (This paper was about the "ground zero mosque"... if it was about anything.)

- STDs are becoming more common in high schools and young adults. (I hope your high school doesn't have an STD.)

- This would also give people more of a pride in what they have because they have errand it.

- Homer and the Odyssey wrote original Greek epic poems.

- Mourning without coffee is like sleep.

- Nature to Emerson is inspired by Nature. (Redundant and meaningless!)

- Nature is a very important aspect of society. (They just have no idea what words like "society" actually mean. Their indiscriminate use of words is simply aggravating.)

- Once the person is asleep doctors or people running the execution simultaneously push two buttons and are injected with a lethal substance that ultimately causes death. (So, what happens to the prisoner when the executioners have committed suicide?)

- Policemen stop crime from emerging. (Yes, we must keep crime hidden.)

- In the English language, there are many words that can have multiple meanings. (See what I mean about vacuous and meaningless statements of the obvious?)

- Happiness is the key in which how someone defines the level in how successful they really are.

- (Malcolm, in Macbeth, was) air to the throne.

- Different people do things differently. (Whoa, deep. I need a minute to process that life altering revelation... Ok, done.)

- Oil spills are caused by pollution. (That's not what I heard on the news...)

A final question: What is the difference between "die" and "die off?" For some students it is not enough that something die, it must "die off." They seem to think dying off is more dramatic and impacting phrase. I don't see it, but maybe it's just me. Until next time...

J

Define This?

When I do poetry units I give the students vocabulary quizzes. I pick words from the poems and they have to define them; for homework they can look up any words from the poems they don't know and write them in their notes, then use the notes on the quiz. So, they can make a cheat sheet. Some don't. The following are some definitions from the Renaissance Poetry unit quizzes I just graded. I put some of the actual definitions in ( ) as well as a few comments.

wanton - (loose, lascivious, immoral) 1. wish for or upon something; 2. to want something; 3. covered with snow; 4. Chinese soup

sickle - to be kind of sick

grove - (small wooded area) to be angry

myrtle - (the plant) 1. peace; 2. persuade or impel; 3. a dead girl in the bathroom at Hogwarts who has seen the Basalisk (There is a character in Harry Potter named Myrtle, I guess.)

gall - 1. a species of bird; 2. an area by the ocean

roam - wandy (No, I don't know what "wandy" means, nor what this person was trying to write)

woe - 1. to try to persuade; 2. another word for mating

woes - to stop or slow down (Yes, I put the same word on two different quizzes and some of them got it wring both times.)

kirtle - (a skirt; this one was defined for them IN THE BOOK) a pot used for coffee or tea

dumb - (as in mute) 1. a state of mind; 2. in love

folly - 1. a place with trees; 2. to be happy; 3. an area of land with water

tempest - 1. to be slightly tempted; 2. religious building; 3. a music person; 4. a high ranking religious person

sickle - ill

dun - (dull grayish brown) 1. to be finished; 2. idiot

foregone - to go somewhere before you're supposed to

Mr. Webster is rolling over in his grave...

J