Come Spring

On the one hand, I am really looking forward to the warmth of spring. It has been an unusually cold winter, at least in my estimation, and a few buds on the trees and a daily high that didn't peak in the teens would be welcome. On the other hand, warmer weather often means less focused students. I have two classes of seniors and the higher temps in spring seem to cause a wide outbreak of the dreaded senior-itis virus.
"Why aren't you turning in your work?"
"It's ok, I already got accepted to college."
Anyway, on to the sentences. As always, these are from real students, and my comments are in (    ).

- In the short story "The Tell Tall Heart..."

- Once he kills him he takes to body and barriers the old man.

- Poe creates the feeling of anxiety by disrobing in such great detail. (Poe disrobing would certainly cause me some anxiety, among other things.)

- Edgar Allan Poe creates some type of effect in most of his short stories and narrative poems. (Vagary, they name is high school student.)

- (He) began to dink in great quantities. (Ah, yes, I remember when I used to go out dinking.)

- ...sceintifical practices...

- These (video) games can affect certain motor skills and one of them is social interaction.

- ... heir to the thrown... (He must be the son of an NFL quarterback.)

- Macbeth needs to kill Duncan in order to become King of Wales. (So close.)

- In other words, this means if one person had a better life to work hard to achieve it.

- The American dream, wealth and power, has been trying to be achieved since the industrial revolution. (That's some strong personification there.)

- He would throw nightly parties every Saturday.

- Many people believe the American Dream is the level of perfection in American society. (?)

- That is when he decided to make a decision to change his life.

- Oral reports and public specking... 

- He couldn't accept his reality so he came to the conclusion of his own illusion. (Is this from a song?)

- During Edgar Allan Poe's time, he wrote hundreds of poems and short stories straight from his mind. (As opposed to your writing, which comes straight from your... what?)

Time for the long, slow march to April break.

J

Regents Fail

Today was the January English Regents exam. I plan a full post on my "Gradgrind's Grind" blog about that one, but just a note or two here. Lord in heaven, what a terrible test. We have enough trouble getting some kids excited about school, or even awake for it, without the state coming in with their boring and mundane "reading" selections, vapid and often confusing multiple choice questions, and formulaic writing assignment. I was the teacher elected to read the listening passage to the juniors assembled in the gymnasium; it was a yawner. I tell you true, the older I get the harder it is not to let my contempt for the standardized test show during the test. I already tell my students in class how much I hate these tests, and why. But today in the middle of reading the passage for the second time I felt an overwhelming urge to begin making sarcastic comments and jokes about the passage while reading it. I wanted to break into silly accents and make goofy faces. The tests are so humorless and we are made to take them so seriously. There's so much solemnity about the taking of a standardized tests; perhaps because we are at the funeral of real learning.

Anyway... on to the sentences. As always, these are real sentences from student work and my comments are in (    ).

- (In answer to the question, What color is the light?) Hope

- (In answer to the question, Who does Myrtle Wilson mistakenly believe is Tom's wife?) One student wrote "Nick," and another "Jay Gatsby." (Score two for marriage equality in the 1920s, I guess.)

- She had the money to ravish herself in gifts.

- A trust passer is about to get hung. (Trespasser)

- A person's car went into the ditch that was drinking. (Nothing worse than a ditch that's been drinking. Ditches be crazy, man.)

- Teenagers are the future tomorrow. 

- I read only 5 chapters of Gatsby because that's all I felt like doing. (Nice to have you in school.)

- The building itself looked a banded. (Abandoned)

- The back story of this specific matter is never filled in so the reader can interoperate it into something for their selves.

- ... a man is remembering and thinking about his diseased wife. (She's dead, not sick.)

- I think what caused her initial death... (And her secondary death? Did she have nine lives?)

- (Said aloud in class:) "So wait, Macbeth killed Danforth?" (Yes. The character from Shakespeare's play invaded The Crucible to kill the judge.)

- The only thing this woman hatted was her husband's art.

- If there is more foreign adoptions then the gender balance will maintain normal. (Maintain Normal would be a cool name for a band. Or self help book.)

- It loses significance when the green light doesn't mean anything to Gatsby anymore. (It lost significance when it lost significance? Got it.)

- I like Daisy (Buchanan) because she wasn't a typical mother. (Did you read The Great Gatsby, or some other story about a Daisy Buchanan?)

- (On the deep meaning of The Great Gatsby:) be yourself!

- The Great Gatsby is upbeat. (I think he meant fast paced. I mean, I hope he meant fast paced.)

- The actions that Montresor possessed... 

I have two more for you, but I present them not for their potential humor. I guess I'll let you come to your own conclusions about my motives for tacking them on.

- I found it difficult to find time and actually sit down and read (The Great Gatsby) with working 2 jobs and having other homework to do, but when I did find a chance to read it, it was engaging and I found it hard to put down.

- (The Great Gatsby) made me want to live my life differently from how I've been living.

J

Newsflash!

This just in: Yours truly, the high school English teacher who keeps this blog, is boring! You heard it here first, and I give it to you straight from the mouths of about five horses who have to sit in my class every day and be bored, bored, bored! I mean seriously, Pre-Trig is more interesting than this class! Can't you just tell us what we need to know? Why do we have to talk about everything? And why do we have to write so much in English class? For real, time literally slows down in this room...

Ouch. You have to have thick skin to teach high school; not every student thinks your subject area is just fascinating. But what really saddens me is not that some students are rude, or that they don't enjoy reading and discussing literature. What saddens me is that their real objection is not to literature per se, but to anything that requires them to think a little. It's not that they are bored; it's that they are boring and apathetic, and they like it that way.

On to the sentences. As always, these are from student work, and my comments are in (    ).

- During the colonial times during the 1850s...
- China is very family oriented.
- A serpent often symbolizes a snake in Western Culture. (Gonna have to teach symbol again.)
- Men view piercings on a woman as "sexy" and "available." (Nice nose ring; is it seeing anyone?)
- Private prisons are not too happen when their prisoners become ill.
- Paraphrasing without siting is another form of plagarism. (If you're standing, you're ok.)
- Both men are criminals who obviously don't have an issue with lying huge lies.

(The following two are both responses to: Explain how Peyton Farquar is to be hung.)
- because he was a slave
- Being a North dressed up as a South soldier.

- This is the meaning that probes thought and discussion.
- He is left for death by his friend. (Ouch; to be left for another is one thing, but being left for death? That's gotta sting.)
- But nothing can be done unless something is done about it.
- It's not like they sit in Boston and ponder their sins for 7 years, that would make a boring story. (This advanced 11 student is subtly hinting that he didn't like The Scarlet Letter.)
- Note to self: insert fact on boring machine later. (Note to student: see your note to self before turning in essay. Also, he was using "boring" as in "to drill a hole into," not as in "tedious and dull." But if you ask me, either sense would work.)

That's it for now. Enjoy whatever holidays you celebrate!

J

Thankfulness

A quick note before we get to the sentences. For whatever reason, and who can say what the reason is as the nature of memory is such a mystery, I recalled today the first time I took a book of essays by G. K. Chesterton out of the library at SUNY Cortland. It was a little red hardcover book, and I might have been the first person to take it out in years. Before then I had only known Chesterton as the author of the Father Brown mystery stories which I had read when I went through my "mystery" phase in junior high and high school. I do not even exactly remember what led me to look him up in the library catalogue, but in this season of thanks I am thankful that the library at the State University of New York College at Cortland had in its collection that book; by my estimation I now own 40 or more of his books, including 10 volumes of his collected works. Thanks state college librarian who ordered that book, probably years before I was born: you unknowingly started me on a path of reading enjoyment from which I shall probably never stray.

Also, I am thankful for students who write funny things. To the student work. As always, my comments are (    ).

- The truth is the decision to pay the dish bill is one decision that one makes for a matter of a number of channels that one may or may not ever watch. (The truth is confusing.)
- Many words have different meanings both connotative and denotative. (We have now heard from Captain Obvious.)
- Numerous words have numerous meanings. (Captain Obvious strikes again!)
- People are getting blamed for innocent reasons.
- (Nature) is understood under a closer level.
- Poe is filled with sorrow and deep lost.
- Mythology from history allows stories to tell to lead to the speculation of beliefs of what really happened with the time.
- So the community as a whole integrity would go down.
- Abigail had an affair with john proctor in the wood with a bunch of other girls. (What play did you read?)
- Abigail runs away from Salem and more people are getting hanged and slathered. (Slathered with...?)
- Both authors... demonstrate two totally different settings that have similar morals within the characters.
- The quote depends on how individuals are based on the moral actions of the individual.
- A copy of J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye was found in his night stand where he was reading it. (Must be a big night stand.)
- Nigerian Migration to America Through the 20st Century
- And over % of immigrants can speak English. (I sense something is missing here.)
- "What Redburn Saw," by Melville, is also a dark romantics tail.
- This is to anyone who is ill with an illness. (As opposed to ill with... what else?)

If I don't post again before Thanksgiving, may your final Thursday of November be a delicious and hearty one!

J

Late October Blues

It's been almost two months and I have not yet posted the first blog update of the school year. There are two ways to look at this: (1) Shame on you, teacher! You are as lazy as your students! (2) I have such great students this year that they make very few funny errors. I will let you decide which of these is closest to the truth. On to the sentences, and as always, these are from real student papers and my comments are in (   ).

- I'm good at interpretating quotes. (But not spelling.)
- I mine as well suck it up.
- A man of money, moral, and book.
- Pearl... often portrayed devilish ways towards Hester.
- (In answer to the question: "What is wrong with Betty?") Putnam
- He doesn't want to seam a coward.
- She has gone on a ship to Barara. (Where is that, exactly? Show me on this map.)
- A man and women can be incredably happy with bearing a child.
- ...if John had never "lechered" her. (Are the quotation marks for fun, or are you not sure if lechered is a word? Hint: it's not.)
- John Proctor says "God is dead" because. (Thanks, I always wondered.)
- John decides to go rip up his confession because it was a true lie. (Actually, I believe "True Lies" was a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.)
- Small groups of African immigrants are aloud to temperately stay in the United States.
- Holden was in the mists of a bit of a tiff.
- This idea reached a high level of belief.
- He was allocated for his accomplishments.
- Elizabeth got pregnant so she got out of her excretion.

I just can't make a joke about that last one... just can't.

J

Surveying the Year

At the end of the year I always give my students a survey - typical stuff really. The following is a collection of some of their responses. Included are responses from students in English 11 Enriched, College English, and English 12. As always my comments are in (     ).

Of the six papers in (College English) English 101, which was the hardest to write and why?

- I think the hardest thing was picking a topic, not really writing one over another.

- Definition paper was the hardest for me to write. It was hard to come up with three pages defining one word.

- Well, definition until I wrote about procrastination. Then it was easy. Other than that, definitely the research. I am pretty good at pulling stuff out of my butt, but I couldn’t do that on the research. (I am horrified to know where your papers came from.)

In this class I learned:

- how to write a persuasive essay persuasively. (As opposed to?)

- I learned that I suck at getting to school on time. (True. In this class I made this student's first name a euphemism for "late," as in, "Why are you so Julie to class today?" P.S. Her name wasn't Julie.)

- I learned that when writing papers, it is important to express one’s opinion on the subject and not just cram the paper with information.

- I began to learn the art of Bunburying! (Any Oscar Wilde fans in the house?)

- I learned writers write mostly depressing books.

- Students in this school have the attention span of a squirrel. (Squirrel!!)

What was your favorite work we read and why?

- I enjoyed Three Little Words and Room. They were my book club books, and I liked that we didn’t have to rip them apart to find meaning, we just read. (Yeah, finding meaning is a drag.)

- I didn’t have a favorite because I am (name removed) and I wanted to be different. Like the song, “I’m different, yeah I’m different.”

What was your least favorite work we read and why?

- Poetry. I still detest poetry so much Mr. Chaffee. I figured you would know that since I spent all last year and this year complaining about poetry.

- My least favorite work was poetry. I hated poetry because I am a very literal person and had trouble seeing the different underlying themes.

- My least favorite was Emily Dickinson. That woman had issues and just confused me.

- The Scarlet Letter because I had to read it over the summer.

What did you like the least about this class?

- I didn’t like when I realized that I’d just spent the last 30 minutes talking loudly and opinionatedly, probably alienating & boring everyone. (Right! That's the teacher's job!)

Do you have any suggestions to make this class better?
- Instead of poetry, schedule a month of the year for admiring the patterns on the carpet. (Ok, I get it. High schoolers don't like poetry.)

- for our class in particular – do something to make people stop being afraid to open their mouths.

When did your senioritis set in?

- freshman year

- 9:27 a.m. September 28^th, 2012… approximately

- Well, pretty early, then I fought for a long time… but I eventually lost. (True story.)

- I didn’t get senioritis, but I have been this bad about getting stuff done since the 6^th grade.

Is there anything else you would like to say on any topic whatsoever?

- will miss you… kinda. (That is heart warming... kinda.)

- Don’t forget me :) I’ll be back. Know my name.

- Do you watch Doctor Who? If so… I congratulate you and believe that you are on your way to being a complete person. If not 1. I am sorry for you; 2. please do.

- No, I’m not that creative. Here’s a giraffe. (Drawing of giraffe saying, “Ello there Chap!”)

Congratulations to the class of 2013! 

J

A Very Short List

I have one last short list of students' sentences for this school year, but before I get to them I need to get something off of my chest. When we first got married my wife used to say "on accident" instead of "by accident." Long story short, she rarely does that anymore, and she stayed married to me, so it all worked out. My students frequently screw up another common idiom and it drives me crazy. They write or say "based off of" instead of "based on." Now this makes NO sense. If I have a pedestal, I cannot base the ornamental vase off of said pedestal. If I lay the foundation for a house, I cannot base my new abode off of my beautiful foundation. Henry David Thoreau did NOT say, "If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations somewhere close by so your castle can be based off of them!" A base is a thing we put things on! Oh, and those of you who say "based off from..." I just... I can't... Never mind. On to the sentences, and as always my comments are in (     ).

- In this case money takes presidents over social standing.

- There is always something important about a name, even if it is positive or negative.

- Many authors have written satirical works throughout the years. (Thanks for the update.)

- The title of Oscar Wilde's famous play The Importance of Being Earnest, seems to be cleverly titled. (What is the title of the title? I'm lost.)

- ...he has lost the idea of reality.

- Everything back then was religious. ("Back then" would be the Middle Ages.)

- ...leading them to be very stressfully people.

- Ethan lived on a farm with his parents which he sometimes worked. (If you ever want to get anything out of your parents you really do have to work them.)

- Jack believes that women are to be daunted upon. (Sounds unpleasant.)

That's it for the 2012 - 2013 school year in student writing! Coming very soon, comments from end of the year surveys.

J