Final Fun for '15

I haven't kept up with this blog even as much as I hope to, which isn't much. So I have a slightly longer than usual list of student sentences and fragments to share. This little project started one year when the English department was grading Regents exams and I copied down all the funny things they had written in their essays on that test. Now the rules forbid such note-taking, because as we all know, what the students write on standardized tests must be kept as closely guarded as state secrets. Even though we are making high stakes decisions based on these tests, we can't let anyone see the children's answers, or even the tests themselves. That would ruin the illusion that the tests are actually worthwhile! Anyway, these sentences come mostly from the last papers of the year and in-house final exams. At the end I will specially introduce one of my favorite student sentences of all time; I am not even sure I should post it. As always, my comments are in (    ).

- The choice of using a boy was carefully chosen.
- Using spring as the month... (Nope, you've got to narrow it down a little more.)
- As she got older the mirror would show her the aging she was doing.
- Robinson's poem "Richard Cory" is a modernist poem in which new techniques of idea conveyance are used.
- Among the children's first arrival...
- Ralph has decided that those on the island need order and semblance.
- (The book) was boring and didn't catch my interesting. (His interesting is hard to catch.)
- ... society is most ordeal.
- Through the novel, Gene and Finny's relationship doesn't change other than so much as Gene's perception of the relationship.
- ... they both climb up the tree and Gene's coincidence got to him. (I, too, have a nagging coincidence.)
- Gene and Finny became friends at the all-boys school called Devon school it's in New English.
- Gene began to think hostile toward Finny.
- Gene and Finny's friendship contains of many feelings and decisions for them to choose and be friends.
- Their friendship served to develop a theme of a novel by having the story written pretty much like if there is no Finny then there is not past, and if there is no past then there is no tree and if there is no tree then all of this was nothing. (That got quite confusingly existential.)
- ... he falls deeper into his conscience.
-... if the student is truggleing... (When reading this paper I was truggleing.)
- It's unique because theres many chooses to choose from. (Dr. Seuss? Is that you?)
- Gatsby is stuck living in the pass. (Which mountain range the student did not specify.)
- Jay Gatsby was in love with Daisy, who in which was married.
- In the play Hamlet by F. Scott Fitzgerald...
- The Aunt illusions herself...
- Phineas falls down some hard stairs, which leads to his deaths. (He had nine lives, like a cat.)
- Atticus told Scout to look at situations through someone else's skin. (I do not like the implications here.)

I have one final quote, but it comes with a warning. It is a simple and honest typo, but the results are, shall we say, off-color. Feel free to skip it, though now that I warned you I am sure you will press on. The student was writing about the idea that Zeena, the character in Ethan Frome, suffers from Munchausen's syndrome, and she included some symptoms of the disorder. Here it is in all its glory:

- Their methods for appearing sick can involve making up symptoms, purposely getting dick, or injuring themselves.

Sick. She meant sick... I hope.

I will post some comments from end-of-year surveys when I get around to it. Until then, don't injure yourselves while purposely getting... sick.

J

Keeping This One Short

Some people say the point of language is communication, and as long as the audience understands, fluency, errors, style, and the like are secondary matters. Suit yourself... As always, these sentences are from student work and my comments are in (     ).

- At first, Lady Macbeth appears as a strong willed, independent woman without a conscious.
- My favorite part of the play was when Lady Macbeth took initiative and made the plan to kill the king. I liked this scene because it showed Lady Macbeth's dominance in the marriage. (Not sure what to say...)
- Looks like it's curtains for Polonius! (Hamlet jokes!)
- Realism extends from the ideas of realism.
- As the story progressives...
- She took many repercussions to ensure that he would not get caught.
- ... his wife killed himself.
- After contemplating his own thoughts... (Is that redundant?)
- In the beginning of the story the narrator was still semi-in the non-mental mindset.
- Hamlet's actions of being noble, honorable, and just is reasonable.
- ... the Virgin Mary is good and riotous. (Maybe she went to Mardi Gras.)
- Hamlet does not cease the moment.
- The setting can be influential to the tone of the character.
- Her character had fully developed into insanity.
- (Said in class.) "High class women look at Motzart."
- His promise doesn't really seem promising.
- The narrator of the story explains her feelings by her actions.
- Every story has a plot and a meaning. (Have you read what passes for modern fiction?)

J.

More Reflectiness

Let me step up on my old soap box for just a second. On their Self-Reflection papers, written at the end of the semester, many of my College English students wrote something like, "This class taught me that I am not as good a writer as I thought I was." Mr. Chaffee says, good! That is the point! It's "College" English, after all, not "High-Level-High-School" English. However, some also griped about their grades. Mr. Chaffee says, that is why we should get rid of grades! The goal of education should be learning, not scoring and ranking. I shall now step off the soap box (thud) and return to your regularly scheduled student sentences. As always, these are from student work and my comments are in (    ).

- They forget to realize the meaning of life. (I hate when I forget that.)
- One reason of his unhappy bits...
- Although the title, "Great," is given to Gatsby by gossip and rumors, although there is.
- Tom and Daisy... show their true colors on how corrupt and carless they are. (No, no, I think they had a car.)
- The sister is at fear with her life.
- Sherlock is brought a case from a woman whose sister had pasted two years before.
- Father Brown is quite a blended man.
- Myrtle lives in a world full of allusions.
- Scott F. Fitzgerald (Syntax you here error have.)
- Daisy knows about the affair that Tom is doing. (Does she know about the Myrtle that Tom is having?)
- The filthy rich use cars as... a symbol of their garnish success.
- ... his wealth came from a long line of pharmaceuticals. (He must have worked for Big Pharma.)
- Ultimately in the end... (You know that's redundant, right?)
- Wilson shot Gatsby before going suicide. (Word. He went all suicide and what not.)
- Slavery was huge in this time period. (As opposed to that time period when it was wee?)
- One example is the position paper and the persuasive paper. (So, two examples?)
- Coarse Reflection Paper (I kept waiting for a dirty joke or ribald story, but no, she just reflected on the course.)
- Selfish is the opposite meaning of selfish. (And dark is the opposite of dark, up is the opposite of up, and true is the opposite of true. Mind blown?)

Here's to the start of a new semester. Until next time...

J

Disappointment

Well, it's been a while. Those of you who know me personally will know why. But I noticed last week that I had a few gems to share and I thought the long weekend might offer an opportunity to post. In January my College English students wrote self-reflection essays. The assignment was to look at the five papers they had written over the course of the fall semester and reflect on what they had learned, how their writing had improved, and what might still need improvement. (Some variation of "Mr. Chaffee is hard on our writing" is a popular comment. The level of bitterness varies.) Anyway, I tell you this because the first sentence below is the title of one of those self-reflection papers. As always, these are from real student work and my comments are in (    ).

- How Disappointed Can I Make Mr. Chaffee This Time?
- There has been recent research that has brought truth to this theory.
- Sexual Education is part of the required curriculum in heath class. (Heath class? Does that have anything to do with Heath Bars? I love those things...)
- Emerson and Thoreau have the same basis idea but some of there other ideas were different.
- Salem witch trials started to get injustice on the "witches."
- He further flaws himself...
- Childhood obesity can lead to health disease. (Sounds serious.)
- Some people think that smoking will make them "cool." Others are just curios and want to try it. (All the curios on my shelf are smokers. Lousy trinkets.)
- Smoking controls their lives and will make it possible to but cigarettes.
- He was overtaken by a carriage with a name by the name of Dr. Richards.
- The mystery trying to be solved... (Deep down, every mystery wants to be solved. It's their hearts' desire.)
- The meaning of Dr. T. J. Eckleburg are known to be like "God."
- People might think that a killer whale in a tank is not a big deal. These people are wrongfully mistaken.
- He was credibly corrupt.
- ...which many people associate guerrilla war with the use of bubby traps.
- Professional (football players) have taken abusing others to far. (A little light abuse is fine; but don't go overboard NFL players.)

One more. If you don't know what passive voice is, this won't make sense. If you do, let the delicious irony drip down your chin.

- I was unaware of passive voice and that it should not be used.

("It should not be used," is in the passive voice.)

J

Give Thanks For the Funny

No intros today, just straight to the fun. As always, these are from student work and my comments are in (    ).

- (Did you like The Crucible?) No, it was confusing and a lot of back and forth talking. (Well, it is a play.)
- Today's society has taken nerds to a different level.
- Her husband is a lone shark. (If he's married he's not lone.)
- She had such low self of steam. (No, I did not make that one up.)
- He helped getting confesses from the people.
- The Crucible is about the Harlem witch trials. (You are a few hundred miles off there.)
- ... the difference in the beliefs of a character from start to finish is different.
- One has often wondered who they really are. (I have a diagnosis!)
- My last experience writing a research paper was in health class. I wrote about herpes and everything that goes with it.
- The difference between how jelly and jam is made is quite different.
- The Crucible, by author Miller... (Well, he was the author...)
- The news spread all across the land just because of the Baleks unhonesty was created.
- Proctor violates the rule Adultery.
- They wouldn't have had the probably with the people getting ripped off.
- ... integrity can also benefit society negatively. (Oh, those negative benefits.)
- This means people have integrity to fix their fate and others in society.
- The story starts out by characterizing the old women as old.

Be back soon,

J

So, September's Almost Over

I realized today I had not posted anything on this blog yet this school year. Well, can't let September end without an update. So, without further ado, to the student writing. As always, my comments are in (    ).

(In answer to the question: Have you ever cheated in school?)
- No, because I don't like to talk to other people.
- Yes I have cause im tired of not doing good in school so I cheated so I could pass
- No, because cheating goes against my code of honor... unless it's a video game.
- Um yes, I cheated on homework before because I forgot to get it done so I felt it okay because I never really cheat on homework. (Except that one time... and that other time...)

- Location is a very important key factor. (Department of Redundancy Department)
- In New York City a medium sized apartment in a decent part of the city can be rented for alkjflajf a month. (I don't know how much that is, but it sounds expensive.)
- Songs can be created by the author in the same way as poems are, but are mostly created with thought sometimes like what is going on in the world and with someone else or the stereotype of what everybody assumes what goes on, or just about having fun. (I got lost a long time ago.)
- Capitalism and Communism were created as an attempt to improve on the same ideals. (Hmmm...)
- Abby wanted to witchcraft to kill Mrs. Proctor.
- (Chillingworth) gets his jollies from torturing Dimmesdale.
- To the town's people it means she could be only one other thing, a devil or a witch. (Not good at Math, are we?)
- She says that she is pregnate.
- Elizabeth is mad because John did adultery.
- He is accused of holding witchcraft.

(Three variations on the seventh commandment.)
- Thow shall not comet adultry.
- Thou shall not adulter.
- Though shall not do adultry.

Until next time.

J

Self Reflection

Long story short, one thing I sometimes do at the end of the school year is ask my students to fill out their own report card. I tell them not to guess at what their final grade for each class will be, but write down what they think they should get for each class and why. It is interesting to read their grades and comments, especially for English. I thought I would share a few of their admittedly general and hasty self reflections and let you draw your own conclusions (though I may toss in a few of mine). For the most part I won't indicate which class they made a comment about, but for a few it is necessary. I'll give you the grade followed by their reasoning, and as always, my comments are in (    ).

- 98: I taught you new vocabulary. When the student becomes the teacher they get a 98. (#1. The "vocabulary" was popular slang with a shelf life, I would guess, of two more weeks. #2. The teacher would like to point out that you used the wrong pronoun; your "they" should be "she." Now who's the teacher?)
- 100: How can I screw up when I never know what's going on?
- 93: essays bring me down bro. (I feel you, dog.)
- 95: I am the only girl in the class and that deserves something.
- 100 (for gym): I can't catch, throw or kick, but I do track, and anyone that actually lives through track deserves a 100.
- 99 (for gym) I try like it's the Olympics but I'm terrible at sports. What I lack in athleticism I make up for in effort.
- C: because I do text in class I do sometimes listen to music but I do pay attention and try to get my work done.
- 89: may not do all work but I try hard. (Is this not a contradiction?)
- D: I don't really try because I don't understand.
- 80: sometimes I zone out.
- 80: I show up most of the time. (There you have it. Showing up most of the time is worth a B minus.)
- 80: this doesn't interest me so I have trouble focusing.
- A minus: I always do my work even when no one else does.
- B plus: I sometimes try but I don't understand it at all.
- B: I barely know what's going on half the time. (Half the time is 50%. Is a B 50% now?)
- C: I never really know what's going on.
- 90: It's easy because all you have to do is listen. (Like being married.)
- 60: I don't understand any of that crap.
- 100 (for "lunch"): eat all food groups.

I did not ask them to grade themselves in "Lunch," but if there were participation grades for lunch most of my students would pass with flying colors. (Pun intended.)

J