Give Thanks For the Funny

No intros today, just straight to the fun. As always, these are from student work and my comments are in (    ).

- (Did you like The Crucible?) No, it was confusing and a lot of back and forth talking. (Well, it is a play.)
- Today's society has taken nerds to a different level.
- Her husband is a lone shark. (If he's married he's not lone.)
- She had such low self of steam. (No, I did not make that one up.)
- He helped getting confesses from the people.
- The Crucible is about the Harlem witch trials. (You are a few hundred miles off there.)
- ... the difference in the beliefs of a character from start to finish is different.
- One has often wondered who they really are. (I have a diagnosis!)
- My last experience writing a research paper was in health class. I wrote about herpes and everything that goes with it.
- The difference between how jelly and jam is made is quite different.
- The Crucible, by author Miller... (Well, he was the author...)
- The news spread all across the land just because of the Baleks unhonesty was created.
- Proctor violates the rule Adultery.
- They wouldn't have had the probably with the people getting ripped off.
- ... integrity can also benefit society negatively. (Oh, those negative benefits.)
- This means people have integrity to fix their fate and others in society.
- The story starts out by characterizing the old women as old.

Be back soon,

J

So, September's Almost Over

I realized today I had not posted anything on this blog yet this school year. Well, can't let September end without an update. So, without further ado, to the student writing. As always, my comments are in (    ).

(In answer to the question: Have you ever cheated in school?)
- No, because I don't like to talk to other people.
- Yes I have cause im tired of not doing good in school so I cheated so I could pass
- No, because cheating goes against my code of honor... unless it's a video game.
- Um yes, I cheated on homework before because I forgot to get it done so I felt it okay because I never really cheat on homework. (Except that one time... and that other time...)

- Location is a very important key factor. (Department of Redundancy Department)
- In New York City a medium sized apartment in a decent part of the city can be rented for alkjflajf a month. (I don't know how much that is, but it sounds expensive.)
- Songs can be created by the author in the same way as poems are, but are mostly created with thought sometimes like what is going on in the world and with someone else or the stereotype of what everybody assumes what goes on, or just about having fun. (I got lost a long time ago.)
- Capitalism and Communism were created as an attempt to improve on the same ideals. (Hmmm...)
- Abby wanted to witchcraft to kill Mrs. Proctor.
- (Chillingworth) gets his jollies from torturing Dimmesdale.
- To the town's people it means she could be only one other thing, a devil or a witch. (Not good at Math, are we?)
- She says that she is pregnate.
- Elizabeth is mad because John did adultery.
- He is accused of holding witchcraft.

(Three variations on the seventh commandment.)
- Thow shall not comet adultry.
- Thou shall not adulter.
- Though shall not do adultry.

Until next time.

J

Self Reflection

Long story short, one thing I sometimes do at the end of the school year is ask my students to fill out their own report card. I tell them not to guess at what their final grade for each class will be, but write down what they think they should get for each class and why. It is interesting to read their grades and comments, especially for English. I thought I would share a few of their admittedly general and hasty self reflections and let you draw your own conclusions (though I may toss in a few of mine). For the most part I won't indicate which class they made a comment about, but for a few it is necessary. I'll give you the grade followed by their reasoning, and as always, my comments are in (    ).

- 98: I taught you new vocabulary. When the student becomes the teacher they get a 98. (#1. The "vocabulary" was popular slang with a shelf life, I would guess, of two more weeks. #2. The teacher would like to point out that you used the wrong pronoun; your "they" should be "she." Now who's the teacher?)
- 100: How can I screw up when I never know what's going on?
- 93: essays bring me down bro. (I feel you, dog.)
- 95: I am the only girl in the class and that deserves something.
- 100 (for gym): I can't catch, throw or kick, but I do track, and anyone that actually lives through track deserves a 100.
- 99 (for gym) I try like it's the Olympics but I'm terrible at sports. What I lack in athleticism I make up for in effort.
- C: because I do text in class I do sometimes listen to music but I do pay attention and try to get my work done.
- 89: may not do all work but I try hard. (Is this not a contradiction?)
- D: I don't really try because I don't understand.
- 80: sometimes I zone out.
- 80: I show up most of the time. (There you have it. Showing up most of the time is worth a B minus.)
- 80: this doesn't interest me so I have trouble focusing.
- A minus: I always do my work even when no one else does.
- B plus: I sometimes try but I don't understand it at all.
- B: I barely know what's going on half the time. (Half the time is 50%. Is a B 50% now?)
- C: I never really know what's going on.
- 90: It's easy because all you have to do is listen. (Like being married.)
- 60: I don't understand any of that crap.
- 100 (for "lunch"): eat all food groups.

I did not ask them to grade themselves in "Lunch," but if there were participation grades for lunch most of my students would pass with flying colors. (Pun intended.)

J

Surveying the Year

Every year I give “End-of-the-Year Surveys” to all my students. Their responses are enlightening and often entertaining. The following are responses from students in several different classes, including: English 11, English 11E, Detective Fiction, and College English. The questions will be in bold, responses may come from any or all of the classes, and as always my comments are in (    ).

What was your favorite work we read this year and why?

- The Great Gatsby! I’ve read it before this year and I love it every time I read it.

- Grate Gastbe because there was killing. (Where were you for Hamlet?)

- I suppose I favored The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn because it was the only book that didn’t involve romance or anything of that kind.

- My favorite work this year was The Scarlet Letter, because it made me feel accomplished to have read such a boring and difficult to understand book. (Good for you?)

What was your least favorite work and why?

- all of them, reading sucks. Its lame. (So glad to have you in class.)

- I really, really disliked Ethan Frome. The characters continuously angered me with their foolishness and lustful, wasn’t love, desires. Plus the story was far too dramatic for my liking.

- I think Ethan Frome is a dumb book because people do have choices and are not stuck in one single choice. They can also change their fate. (Take that, Edith Wharton!)

Which of the six papers in English 101 did you enjoy writing the most and why?

- I enjoyed writing the personal narrative because I like to talk about myself so it was easy.

- I enjoyed writing the personal narrative because it is about me. (I see a pattern developing.)

What did you like most about this class?

- My favorite part of English 11 was Mr. Chaffee’s sarcasm.

- the off topic conversations

- I liked our off task talks the most. (It always amazes me that they can’t see the connection between the literature and what they see as “off topic” conversations… even when I spell it our for them!)

What did you like the least?

- When Mr. Chaffee asked me to write in books. (I asked her to make a small pencil mark on one page. She was psychically incapable of doing it.)

(English 11E only) Did you like / dislike the journal writing? Explain.

- I liked the journal writing but if you neglect keeping up on the journals they become a huge burden at 9:00 p.m. the night before they are due.

Do you think you became a better writer in (this class?) Explain.

- Yes. Your very strict criticism helped me plenty. (I do go crazy with the green pen sometimes.)

- Yes, because now I realize if I state something I have to back it up with information.

Did your teacher give enough feedback on papers, etc. Explain.

- Yes, you stated when my writing had no actual point or nothing important in a paragraph.

- Yes. My teacher gave me more than enough feedback. My essays were covered in green writing. (See, crazy with the green pen.)

What did you learn in this class:

- I have learned that Mr. Chaffee is more of a comedian than an English teacher. (Is that a compliment? Didn’t feel like it.)

- always should write a rough draft. (Was this “sentence” just a rough draft? ‘Cuz it’s rough.)

- I learned just how much I wanted to graduate.

- That procrastination is probably the worst possible thing to do.

- Never procrastinate on writing a long paper because it barely ever works out in the end.

- Don’t know, wasn’t really here. (I noticed.)

- Don’t go on a massive killing spree like Hamlet. (You get real-life lessons in English class.)

- Don’t be a kiss ass. (See, life lessons.)

- I’ve learned how to look deeper and see the meaning of a chapter or just overall things in life.

- If we don’t get your references we are all sad people. (Actually it just makes me feel sad… and old.)

- TV isn’t worth watching / Technology has ruined the youth. (I harp on this… a lot.)

- society is a horrible place. (Not sure if it was me or the literature that brought this across. Probably me.)

- Essays are challenging in 11E.

- I learned how to write essays that were somewhat more clear and concise. More like a foggy and silty bucket of water than a mud puddle.

- I learned that conformity is bad and that I am an idiot. (Socrates supposedly said, “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” So, you’re in good company.)

- Think deeper, don’t just skim the surface with your writing.

- facts are facts and the truth is the truth.

- Truth and fact are different.

- truth = fact + meaning (More on this later.)

On a scale of one to ten, how hard was this class? Explain.

- 5 because some was hard and challenging but then I was lazy and didn’t do any work.

On a scale of one to ten, I put in this much effort: _____, because:

- 7. It’s my senior year so I’ve been a bit lazy but I also wanted to do well in your class so you would love me.

- 10. I always did my work and I was your favorite.

Do you have any suggestions about how to make (this class) better?

- No Regents Exam. (Amen and hallelujah.)

- More sarcasm! (I’m not sure I can be any more sarcastic.)

- It’s an enjoyable class, not too much work but still makes you think hard. (Again, is that a compliment? Or…)

- Never ask this question again. I don’t like giving suggestions to teachers.

Do you have any further comments on any topic whatsoever?

- I like… Turtles and books. You can never have too many books.

- This doesn’t end this year. Just wait until next year…

- This isn’t the end. (These last two comments, coming from two seniors, seemed ominous.)

- I honestly didn’t put forth great effort and I should of done better. But that pound cake was great! (I made pound cake… long story.)

- Yes

Ok, so the fact vs. truth thing: I am no philosopher, but I tried to get several of my classes to see the distinction between facts and truth. I brought up G. K. Chesterton’s comment that a truth is a fact plus a meaning, as well as Jacques Ellul’s assertion that 2 + 2 = 4 should not be called “true” but rather “accurate.” Math is not truth. I wanted them to see that what is most important is not facts, but how we interpret facts, that we have a sound ability to reason and a philosophy through which we filter facts to arrive at truth. Some of them bought it; some of them did not. But at least it stuck in their minds!

Maybe one more post this summer.

J

Summer 2014!

One more set of sentences before summer 2014 officially begins. Most of these are from final papers and exams. Next week I'll have a final post with comments from this year's End-Of-Year Surveys. I love those. As always, these are from real student work and my comments are in (    ).

- He portrays how he resembles reality by having the knowledge to know that the "beast"... does not exist.
- ... a boy has been accused of killing his father with only circumstantial evidence. (How do you kill a man with circumstantial evidence?)
- Holmes ends up pacing back and forth in an excited manor.
- Dr. Roylott was a very aggressive character with a short, almost nonexistent fuss. (Fuse)
- The point of this essay was not just to summarize "The Red-Headed League." (Maybe, but that is the only thing the essay did.)
- (Love) caused both John (Proctor) and Jay (Gatsby) to end up dead and unhappy. (To end up dead is bad enough, but to be dead and unhappy? That's just rough.)
- ... in the begging of the story...
- In The Great Gatsby by Arthur Miller... (Nope, try again.)
- He gave her an altamatum.
- When Ophelia's ran over daisey Gatsby was worring about what would happen to Ophelia. (Apparently Gatsby was reading Hamlet in the car and got confused?)
- Love is a theme in everyday life. People love people, dogs love dogs, along with everything else in life.
- Gene was very loss and loss a part of him.
- He is a non-alcoholic... (Me too... but not for long.)
- "A Separate Peace" by John Knowles is brimming with themes.
- The death of Finny puts Gene in a depressional type situation. (Is that the same as being depressed?)
- All people die at some point in their lifetime. (Yes, and that point is called the end point.)

See you next week with comments from surveys. They love telling me how bad English was this year and how many movies I should show next year because that would make English class bearable.

J

Know Your Title Punctuation

I remember in high school learning the difference between literary titles that go in "quotation marks," and those that must be underlined or in italics. It wasn't hard. Is it a book or play? Underlined or italics. Is it a poem, short story, or essay? Then it goes in "quotation marks." For the most part, if the teacher assigned you to read the whole thing in one night, put it in quotation marks; if it was long enough that it has chapters or act breaks, underline or italics. Why do so many of my juniors and seniors still not "know this?" Anyway, a short group of sentences for today. I just wanted to post before final exams. As always, all sentences are from student work and my comments are in (    ), but not in italics, quotation marks, or underlined.

- She's an unusual character in the way she acts but really feels. (I... what... uh...)
- ...boys get to adventure the outside world.
- Seeing the first horse killed reflected the little girl into a young lady.
- ...her house stinked.
- Memories are a wonderful thing to remember.
- (He) could have been his friend if they could have meant in another place.
- ...these words allow us to feel an undercut type of violence for the speaker.
- The author of the poem uses personification to personify objects. (From the Department of Redundancy Department.)
- The soldier tells about how he imagined the man's life that he killed.
- This waiter had a deeper meaning of life. (I like to think most waiters do.)
- The poem is an example of Imagism because it focused on what the meaning of it is.

See you in a few weeks, I am sure, with a batch from final papers and exams!

J

E-readers Rant!

Most of what I am about to write I posted as a comment on a friend's Facebook page. I thought I might recycle it here.

I hate e-readers. Whether people see it or want to admit it, there are HUGE differences between reading a book and reading anything on a screen: differences that I believe are deep and meaningful. Phones and ipads and kindles and such devices are "tools of distraction," to borrow a phrase from Nicholas Carr's book "The Shallows." Reading a book takes a certain amount of commitment and concentration, skills which are not encouraged, and may indeed be discouraged, by technological devices. And while I know you can underline and highlight on the new devices, it isn't the same as writing in a book with a pencil. Swiping a screen is not the same as turning a page. Books are real. The words on the screen are not; they disappear into the ether. The "books" on e-readers are as illusory as everything else in the digital world. Maybe this is just me, but books have solidity and a certain permanence (not eternal, of course, but relative,) which digital technology cannot replicate. And my fear is that the impermanence of digital media make the ideas presented therein seem also impermanent and illusory. When St. Thomas Aquinas rejoiced over finally finding the one book he had searched so long for, the book and its ideas mattered. When we can sweep away a whole book with our fingers, when we don't even have to sacrifice a small space on a shelf to its form, we come to disregard the ideas contained therein just as easily. That is my brief defense of books.

To the sentences. These are, as always, from student work, and my comments are in (   ).

- Lay Macbeth says "unsex me," meaning take away her feminism.
- He fleas... (flees)
- This is where the reasonability goes into the citizen.
- ... who told him never to never travel alone. (That wasn't not a double negative, wasn't it not?)
- Hamlet feels be trade.
- The death might bring more angry. (Something is missing here.)
- There were many soldiers disgusted as trees.
- Eventually Lady Macbeth can no longer be sane with herself.
- ... life, liberty, and perusing happiness. (I prefer to browse delight, but whatever.)
- One other note, I feel that Shakespear did terrible on this play (Hamlet). I dod not find it interesting. Shakespear made it blunt and I would not recommend it.
- Hamlet's choices and behavior... led to his fatal death. (Department of Redundancy Department.)
- Hamlet is an imagination thinker.
- The solution to this problem is to have a solution that is broken down into simpler terms so it explains the overall solution. (Problem solved!)

I know this last one was a typo, and it's a little off color, but I had to include it. I laughed outloud.

- The dong willingly disobeyed its owner. (He meant "dog.")

Until next time...

J

Come Spring

On the one hand, I am really looking forward to the warmth of spring. It has been an unusually cold winter, at least in my estimation, and a few buds on the trees and a daily high that didn't peak in the teens would be welcome. On the other hand, warmer weather often means less focused students. I have two classes of seniors and the higher temps in spring seem to cause a wide outbreak of the dreaded senior-itis virus.
"Why aren't you turning in your work?"
"It's ok, I already got accepted to college."
Anyway, on to the sentences. As always, these are from real students, and my comments are in (    ).

- In the short story "The Tell Tall Heart..."

- Once he kills him he takes to body and barriers the old man.

- Poe creates the feeling of anxiety by disrobing in such great detail. (Poe disrobing would certainly cause me some anxiety, among other things.)

- Edgar Allan Poe creates some type of effect in most of his short stories and narrative poems. (Vagary, they name is high school student.)

- (He) began to dink in great quantities. (Ah, yes, I remember when I used to go out dinking.)

- ...sceintifical practices...

- These (video) games can affect certain motor skills and one of them is social interaction.

- ... heir to the thrown... (He must be the son of an NFL quarterback.)

- Macbeth needs to kill Duncan in order to become King of Wales. (So close.)

- In other words, this means if one person had a better life to work hard to achieve it.

- The American dream, wealth and power, has been trying to be achieved since the industrial revolution. (That's some strong personification there.)

- He would throw nightly parties every Saturday.

- Many people believe the American Dream is the level of perfection in American society. (?)

- That is when he decided to make a decision to change his life.

- Oral reports and public specking... 

- He couldn't accept his reality so he came to the conclusion of his own illusion. (Is this from a song?)

- During Edgar Allan Poe's time, he wrote hundreds of poems and short stories straight from his mind. (As opposed to your writing, which comes straight from your... what?)

Time for the long, slow march to April break.

J

Regents Fail

Today was the January English Regents exam. I plan a full post on my "Gradgrind's Grind" blog about that one, but just a note or two here. Lord in heaven, what a terrible test. We have enough trouble getting some kids excited about school, or even awake for it, without the state coming in with their boring and mundane "reading" selections, vapid and often confusing multiple choice questions, and formulaic writing assignment. I was the teacher elected to read the listening passage to the juniors assembled in the gymnasium; it was a yawner. I tell you true, the older I get the harder it is not to let my contempt for the standardized test show during the test. I already tell my students in class how much I hate these tests, and why. But today in the middle of reading the passage for the second time I felt an overwhelming urge to begin making sarcastic comments and jokes about the passage while reading it. I wanted to break into silly accents and make goofy faces. The tests are so humorless and we are made to take them so seriously. There's so much solemnity about the taking of a standardized tests; perhaps because we are at the funeral of real learning.

Anyway... on to the sentences. As always, these are real sentences from student work and my comments are in (    ).

- (In answer to the question, What color is the light?) Hope

- (In answer to the question, Who does Myrtle Wilson mistakenly believe is Tom's wife?) One student wrote "Nick," and another "Jay Gatsby." (Score two for marriage equality in the 1920s, I guess.)

- She had the money to ravish herself in gifts.

- A trust passer is about to get hung. (Trespasser)

- A person's car went into the ditch that was drinking. (Nothing worse than a ditch that's been drinking. Ditches be crazy, man.)

- Teenagers are the future tomorrow. 

- I read only 5 chapters of Gatsby because that's all I felt like doing. (Nice to have you in school.)

- The building itself looked a banded. (Abandoned)

- The back story of this specific matter is never filled in so the reader can interoperate it into something for their selves.

- ... a man is remembering and thinking about his diseased wife. (She's dead, not sick.)

- I think what caused her initial death... (And her secondary death? Did she have nine lives?)

- (Said aloud in class:) "So wait, Macbeth killed Danforth?" (Yes. The character from Shakespeare's play invaded The Crucible to kill the judge.)

- The only thing this woman hatted was her husband's art.

- If there is more foreign adoptions then the gender balance will maintain normal. (Maintain Normal would be a cool name for a band. Or self help book.)

- It loses significance when the green light doesn't mean anything to Gatsby anymore. (It lost significance when it lost significance? Got it.)

- I like Daisy (Buchanan) because she wasn't a typical mother. (Did you read The Great Gatsby, or some other story about a Daisy Buchanan?)

- (On the deep meaning of The Great Gatsby:) be yourself!

- The Great Gatsby is upbeat. (I think he meant fast paced. I mean, I hope he meant fast paced.)

- The actions that Montresor possessed... 

I have two more for you, but I present them not for their potential humor. I guess I'll let you come to your own conclusions about my motives for tacking them on.

- I found it difficult to find time and actually sit down and read (The Great Gatsby) with working 2 jobs and having other homework to do, but when I did find a chance to read it, it was engaging and I found it hard to put down.

- (The Great Gatsby) made me want to live my life differently from how I've been living.

J